Drunken Chaos Read online

  I say; one message, one call

  “Menhit, you are the one I miss.”

  Let me see you, that is all...

  Her answers like deep shocks. A thunder inside my heart. Her rusty hair, red freckles, she was tall and grandiose. I shared my soul with her.

  “Go away, bastard, go to hell,

  scoundrel, leave me be. Go!”

  But I do not want you to yell!

  I miss you, you ask “So?”

  Years passed with the wind, your rusty hair blackened. Your playful blue eyes darkened and reddened with blood. Your once pristine white skin, and soul, punctured with lies and charades!

  “Get off the phone,

  will you be gone, disappear

  Leave me alone!”

  I won't shed another tear.

  ***

  Erased from my life,

  I must forget this strife.

  Last memory to share,

  she's gone...

  so is this affair.

  III. When I faced Set

  The Skies thundered and the Rain fell. My white shirt and blurred eyes were soaked with the Storm's wrath while the Clouds spoke to me with a musical symphony.

  A Lightning flashed and told,

  “Traveller, why so bold?

  Do you not hear my angry cry?

  How dare do you defy, go awry?”

  I challenged the Storm. Like an oppressed man, I stood up with revolt against the Heavens. My spirit tore through the torrential waters.

  Tremors shook my body and soul,

  the cold sank in and took control.

  Crashing thunders deafened my ears

  Revealing a fear I've had for years.

  But I persisted and walked until I saw a rainbow and the skies clear. The blue above reminded me of the calm I felt at that instant.

  ***

  Thank you for my fear,

  Set, my dearest dear.

  My sins washed away

  See you another day.

  IV. The Story of Satis

  I held her close, my heartbeat storming through my body. I wished to never let go for her spirit nurtured my soul.

  “Two hours more,” she said,

  “My love, I will be dead.”

  “Don't die on me, love,

  “I need you, my love.”

  …

  but she whispered,

  “It's too late..”

  Tears welled up but they did not escape my eyes. My head on her shoulder, I whispered sweet things into her ear in an embrace.

  “This is what you mean to me,

  and this is how it's meant to be.

  You and I forever together,

  Forever thus apart never.”

  Closer, I held her and asked,

  “Why?” my feelings unmasked.

  Shaking her head, the great Satis would not answer and when I kissed her, she breathed death into me. My arms held and treasured her.

  I called, “Nebt-het, heed my warning,

  she'll stay alive till the morning.

  And beyond, I will protect her.

  Take my body and soul instead. Let my life be traded for hers, Nebt-het!” But I received no answer.

  I whispered to Satis, “I love you,”

  I whispered to her, “I need you,”

  whispered once more “Don't leave me.”

  It is then when she buried her head into my chest, sobbing gently, “But I am not dying, dear. No, not anymore. Your blood is my salvation.”

  ***

  I will never let her go,

  Though never to be mine,

  Love continued to grow,

  and we were to be fine.

  V. Thank You Anubis

  I spin the ring on my finger. I take it off and flip it in the air a few times, such a lovely trinket but what does it represent?

  “My forged tungsten steel,

  will you show me what is real?”

  Decades of memory guarded forever, they represent pain and happiness past bound to my hand the same as Prometheus with his memento of torture.

  Let me be,

  and my memories blocked,

  feelings forever locked.

  When this band burns my skin with awareness, it frees me so and lets me forget. It will always be there, as my life once was.

  My dear Anubis awaken me,

  store the concept of mind from within me,

  and let me enjoy my life.

  ***

  Such a simple story of metal,

  a mind fluttering in the wind,

  a drifting rose petal.

  VI.Loving Baset

  I sat down and looked up at you, Baset. An awkward stare, I saw the deep blue in your irises darken as your pupils expanded.

  When you stopped and stood to speak,

  I kissed you, wouldn't let you even shriek.

  And when your hands grasped me,

  I held you, wouldn't let you be...

  away from me..

  free..

  Baset, my love, we did not speak. My lips silenced anything you wished to say. My hands took away the struggle from your body.

  You looked down on me with emotion,

  I did not understand, I continued the motion.

  Separate, isolated, the two of us in a trance,

  engaged in a primal, animal, mating dance...

  for a chance...

  of simple romance.

  And although I did not show raw power, nor felt the epitome of love: you and I were unique.

  ***

  Take me back to that day,

  one more time,

  let me have my way,

  before the time runs away...

  VII. Hello Nut, My Companion for Tonight

  There come evenings wherein I do not talk. Those evenings are simple.

  I smoke a cigar, I write,

  Enjoy the smell despite,

  the burn in my throat.

  The dark outside gives me comfort, but I long to be with you. The moonlit sky is my only companion so far.

  You and I, we'll be together,

  my mind to your soul tether

  to unknown ventures...

  Aren't you …. tired?

  Maybe our friendship has transpired,

  or transcended.

  It happens that the moon winks at me. The stars drown in the city lights and with that I drown in smoke; only the bright tip of my cigar burns brightly.

  One day, you will be my moon and the stars. You will be here when I write, and when the darkness outside is not enough.

  So why do I not talk?

  Because one day when you walk,

  my way, I do not wish to scare you off.

  ***

  I can truly say I love,

  And I see you up above,

  in the stars and the moon,

  I will see you soon.

  VIII. Hapi and Sokar

  Hapi and Sokar have clashed. Life and death cycle and become endless.

  As fact becomes fiction,

  I will lose my diction,

  along with my direction.

  A short story, a great plot with a relationship and a deep connection. I have felt it too, and I am sure you found yourself within my thoughts.

  Hapi has brought me life and skill,

  a method to show you how I feel.

  Sokar will take it away, and leave,

  there is a plan into this weave.

  The weave where life and death are strung together. They form a pattern of nature. So what am I telling you by this?

  Let me say it in a simple rhyme,

  I am exhausted, not in my prime.

  My memories and love are fact,

  told in stories rather abstract.

  Goodbye Hapi, and thank you for being my muse. Greetings Sokar, please put an end to this pantheon of truth.

  ***

  The Gods have not left,

  me, my life bereft.

  Let me rest for a while,

&n
bsp; give me some time to smile...

  :)

  Chapter II: IX a Path to Self-Destruction

  Do you see my path? Because I do not, and I look to you for guidance.

  People tell me to follow God,

  people tell me to follow my Heart.

  People tell me to perceive Clarity,

  they tell me to enjoy the Rarity

  of Life.

  ***

  One way or another, I am the Dreamer of this World and see what I want to see.

  I close my eyes when you make me Cry,

  I try not to hear anymore Painful things.

  And when I talk, I hear the birds Sing.

  I laugh when no one tells a joke, is that bad?

  ***

  god is a lie, soul is a placebo.

  heart is an organ, nothing more.

  my glasses show me clarity,

  and life is without purpose.

  On the day that I realized life repeated, I became a Poet. I saw the Pattern, and I saw life as it really is.

  ***

  life is without purpose...

  or meaning for that matter.

  X. Laying Waste to Life

  Life is but a bundle of happiness and sorrows. When you asked me to tell the truth, I told you but you could not take it.

  Why is it that we claim,

  that we can withstand the truth.

  When we mask our shame

  we resemble youth.

  I remember that you told me once, my eyes screamed pain and cried sadness. I cannot tell you what your eyes say because they are in a constant haze.

  ***

  if I had not seen who you really are,

  I would not see at all.

  I hope you can recall,

  I listen to love when you play guitar

  You show me yourself at times, but I know, once I leave, you will plunge deep into that world again.

  ***

  I made a promise to you once, to never leave.

  I promised you I'd love you no matter what I believe...

  And I hope that one day you can achieve

  independence, freedom, and relief...

  I hope that you won't ever deceive,

  me and will see life the way I perceive

  it. It's not now, I'm not that naïve,

  But one day you will conceive

  the path to enlightenment.

  And on that day, I promise you, you will see my truth as THE truth.

  And you will know, I did not lie,

  and you will know, I love you

  and you will know, life's not hard,

  and you will know, the lie is you.

  And I am the truth that frees you.

  ***

  You asked me to tell you the truth, and I did. And at that moment, I thought I lost you forever

  XI. the Easy Way Out

  After all the chaos I experienced, I have to let go. She asked me, “Do you feel alone?” And I answered, “Yes.”

  A poet's mind wanders through reality,

  All the death and sickness,

  reminds me of our mortality.

  So what if I cut my vitality?

  Just to see a different state...

  a different type of mentality?

  Intoxicated with poisons of life. You're a lie. I hate to let go. Scars on your arms let me know who you are in your darkest hour.

  People on conveyor belts passing,

  commotion, giving up, no hope...

  thus my fear is surpassing,

  slithering down a slippery slope...

  Do you see my problem now?

  One mistake and you're gone.

  I ask myself to let go but how?

  Then I cry withdrawn

  from my society.

  I recycle my friends when a bump throws us off the road. When I try to hold on, like on a horse, I get kicked and hurt.

  So what's the easy way out?

  ***

  Here I am for you, and for me.

  The world is my playground,

  and my prison.

  XII. i have Traveled far

  My mind has wandered the wastelands of thoughts. I saw the injustice, pain done to others. When I pick up my phone, I see you calling.

  “Everything's not fine,” you say,

  “I can't believe that happened,”

  I have become a shining ray

  of light in your darkest hour...

  the sadness you feel I devour...

  Tomorrow, you won't wake up. I heard you say that over and over. Who cares about me? You ask. I care.

  But my love can give only so much,

  it cannot replace a lover's touch.

  I have not traveled far enough,

  on my wrists rest a solemn handcuff...

  It binds me here, I cannot leave. My heart cannot shield you. I know you feel, so bad, unreal, but I cannot help you tonight.

  Days later, through the chaos,

  you see the truth and the path.

  You smile without a hint of wrath.

  And that makes me happy.

  ***

  It gives my spirit a relief,

  you found your calling,

  and the right belief.

  XIII. numbers and Plastic Thoughts (an intervention)

  One, two, three, four. The water droplets plummet my window.

  Five, six, seven, eight. I hear a flood coming, and splashing sounds.

  Nine, ten, eleven, twelve. When the lightning cracks with thunder, I see the face of god.

  Thirteen, four, fifth, six-teen. Dance, dance, with the gusts of wind, and the tornado will lead.

  Seven, eight, nine-teen, twenty. Smoke rising from a fire unseen, how can something burn?

  One, two, three, twenty-four. Keep on counting, I won't stop you.

  Five, six, seven, twenty-eight. Soaked, drenched, you can call me Mister No-one.

  Nine, thirty, one, thirty-two. Suspicious minds look up at the clouds and what do you see?

  Three, four, five, thirty six. Six times six is thirty six and with that comes order and peace...

  XIV. outside Fountains and Springs and Waterfalls

  A swirl of water, I see the cascades of my mind flow into rivers and lakes of thought. Impossible, to follow, impossible to control.

  My mind, my brain as an ocean,

  flow, tides, full of wondrous creatures.

  Explore it, I do, I am not aware.

  Consciousness, too large to grasp.

  I wander through and through,

  I wander through my head.

  Too full, so empty,

  impossible to conquer.

  I sway on a boat, call myself the masters of the sea. I am the victim, falling and tumbling. Whisper to me and tell me it's going to be alright.

  But it's not; lightnings flash,

  shocked, appalled, synaptic convergence.

  Snap together, a toxic shock.

  XIV.Afterthought

  Poison released and absorbed,

  diluted into oceans, a cyanide of depression?

  Like God, and meteors falling, my ideas go extinct, running creatures singed into a mass of matter. Destroyed and reborn through ashes of the dead in my mind.

  Lost, no reason, finished,

  there is no path for me, through the trees.

  No road less traveled by,

  there is no road.

  ***

  Paint the grey matter

  that makes up my brain.

  Happy colors make happy thoughts.

  XV. the Dreams of the Dead

  Pounding, pounding, the blood rushes through tight veins and arteries. Pulsating, flowing into the muscles and organs.

  The world, my mind, still grey.

  Devoid of thought, blank. What is happening?

  There is no death, is there? I am here, and you are there. Life is endless, whence dust falls to dust, a flower is born.

  When the flower grows, I grow;

&nbs
p; I am the flower, you are my soil.

  And when I die, you will grow.

  Within, you'll grow until you spoil.

  Darkness, an astral plain takes my body above. We cross and flip, we twist and turn into other places.

  I am the fold of this universe,

  you are my paper.

  I open my eyes and see light,

  you are my eyes, I am the light.

  ***

  Twist and turn, life is complicated,

  shadows, lights, but nothing is true.

  Real, unreal, it's all in my mind.

  XVI. the Hard Truth

  What we do not want to know, don't want to realize. Sometimes the truth is too simple, sometimes too complicated. It's not special

  How can I trust you, lady?

  How can I trust myself then?

  You are, miss, somewhat shady...

  I'll have to think this through again...

  With no acceptance,

  there is no deliverance.

  No justice will prevail,

  No prisoner would exhale.

  Questions, interrogations. You won't find out anything new. I've told you all that is true there is nothing else left.

  Yet you still do not accept,

  then all night you wept.

  You accuse me of lies,

  you talk, the time flies.

  We're getting nowhere. This is endless. I am to blame but so are you. That is the truth so run, run away. Scatter.

  I wish not to know you anymore,

  I wish not to fuck myself over.

  ***

  I am who I want to be,

  fuck off. Leave me be.

  Play my beat, love my truth.

  I am your light, I'll lead your way,

  but if you go astray...

  face confusion and blindness.

  XVII. bland

  The taste seems bland, boring. I see no treachery, I see no passion, a simple robotic progress, nothing new.

  I wish for something new, but nothing happened. I do as I have before and I see the candle light flicker the same way it had for the past months, almost years.